dialogue of the angry girl’s mind

you are angry

because this is the third time you’ve been bailed on this week

and it makes you feel unloved

and unwanted

and even though it essentially does not mean that

you are tired of being treated this way

 

you are angry

because it has taken them 13 hours to respond

even though they were active 1 minute ago

your mind goes into overdrive

who else are they messaging?

who else means more to them than you do to them?

they’re already sick of your stupid messages, just STOP TRYING

you delete the app

 

you are angry

because everyone else seems to have endless buckets of beautiful, perfect friends

and wonderful candy coated lives –

at least that is what the instagram stories say,

and you see them all laughing

and you try and remember the last time

you felt HAPPY

 

and then you wonder

why your friends never put you on their social media

are you not cool enough?

are they not proud to be your friend?

this is stupid, one voice says

but is it?,  another one questions

and like a 2 year toddler in mash potato stained overalls

you cry

 

you are angry

because you are tired of being ugly and fat

and of not having a boyfriend

even though it doesn’t define you

and you are strong enough on your own (wait are you?)

you are sick of the people around you

being held in the arms of another

when you hold yourself at night

and dry your own tears

IT ISN’T FAIR IT ISN’T FAIR IT IS NOT FAIR

 

you are angry

because you are sick of having this illness

and taking the pink pills with the numbered days

and the appointments

and battling the big monster

who always seems stronger

why is no one else fighting the same villain?

what god in the sky decided some of us should fight such devils

why others get to sleep with angels?

 

i can’t live in this head any longer

where is the guillotine

they call me oversensitive

crazy

insane

i prefer psycho bitch

(but take your pick)

 

doctor please

pump my mind

like they pump those stomachs

out of the toxins that keep me restless

that are slowly killing me

i want to be free!

unlock these handcuffs

cut off the chains

and swing open the bars

 

let me walk out into the sunlight

of a sober mind

clear head

and happy thoughts.

 

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